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Our Latest Fertility Update

I'm Katrina!

I’m a lover of all things beach, beauty, and branding. I’m also a mom, wife, fitness founder at Tone It Up, and I love helping women ignite their creative brilliance! 

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Hi loves…

First, I want to thank you all for being on this journey with us. I shared that we suffered two miscarriages in 2020… and these past few week’s I’ve been re-living all the ‘One Year Ago!’ reminders. *deep sigh*

Looking back, I didn’t know I could be brave, but when life hands you the most unexpected heartbreak, you literally pick yourself up and try your best to move forward while finding glimpses of hope for the future.

I’ll be sharing more on our losses soon. Brian and I discussed possibly doing a podcast episode since it’s so hard to type the experiences we’ve had. Let me know below if that’s something you’d like to hear.

And a little backstory… we had decided not to do IVF just yet. We almost went that route in January, but our doctor advised us to try once more.

And recently, we had our first chemical pregnancy. Yup, I was pregnant again. This loss occurs when you’re just a 2-3 weeks pregnant. I was 5 days late and had felt all the pregnancy symptoms leading up to that morning. I avoided taking a pregnancy test too early (I’ve made that mistake and I guess I was just avoiding disappointment), and just as I sat down and took the test, I got my period.

Side-note, if you’ve ever peed on a stick while simultaneously getting your period, you know how utterly annoying it is. You felt like something was coming and then bam, the timing.

* cue Alanis *

Even though I was 5 days late, I quickly moved on and put the stick on my bathroom counter. I went upstairs to clean up and when I came down to pack (I was meeting Brian in Arizona later that day), I went to throw away the test. I glanced down to see TWO FREAKING LINES. I gasped… could I have implantation bleeding? But it was too late for that. But maybe? Could I possibly?

I decided to take a few minutes and logically think through everything before getting too excited. I called a girlfriend who experienced a chemical pregnancy and she told me to wait to see if my bleeding subsided or became my full-blown friend of the month. And sure enough, it came heavier than ever.

It’s weird — I didn’t cry at first. Maybe it’s a protective layer… I don’t let myself get too high or too low these days… I just kind of stay in the middle, especially in the moment. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I do think it helped that I didn’t have months of connecting with the pregnancy, to then lose it like the others. I don’t know.

All pregnancy loss is hard though. It’s all just heart-wrenching and feels so defeating.

Strangely, the times that I break down and cry are if I stub my toe, I can’t find something like my phone, or I feel overwhelmed with work… and then it hits me- I’ll cry for about 20 minutes about fertility and then move on with my day.

Grief is literally so strange— it comes in waves, but it’s also such a mind-f***. One second you’re happy, the next you’re sobbing into a bowl of cereal because something reminded you of your loss.

When I arrived to Arizona I shared the news with Brian. He poured me a glass of wine (my first in a few weeks since I thought, just maybe), and I sat by the pool and I said–

‘well, we’ll try again soon’

To anyone experiencing a miscarriage or riding this fertility journey with us, I’m wrapping my heart around you. As women, we can do hard things… and this is just really hard. I have my good days and my bad days, but today, I’m choosing hope.

I’d love to hear from you below <3

- Katrina

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  1. Liz says:

    Wrapping my heart around YOU. ❤️ 🙏🏼 Prayers for you and your family.

    • Katrina Scott says:

      <3

      • Hannah says:

        Thank you for opening up on this. ❤️ I think it’s sometimes a strange relationship we have with pregnancy. When we are young we try to prevent it at any means and then we get older we want it so much. For my part as I wanted to get pregnant, I was like “OMG, what if I’m infertile and don’t get pregnant at all?” When I got a beautiful daughter and I want a second child but we did not started trying yet but even now I am like “What if….” why do we question us as women so much? Why do we always try to find fault in us?

    • Anna says:

      Thank you so much for sharing, Katrina – I’m so sorry. I had two missed miscarriages and a ‘natural’ miscarriage last year, and I know how much it can grind you down. I found it so so helpful to talk about it with other women who’ve gone through similar experiences – sharing our stories is such a balm. So, thank you so much for being so open. Women are incredibly strong! X

  2. Anna P says:

    Sending you such a big warm comforting hug. It is so important that as women we share our struggles and pain with other women (because we’re the only ones who get it!!). This might help:
    Grief, I have learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but can’t. All that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Not sure who wrote it, but I hope that it helps xx

  3. Andrea O'Brien says:

    Saying prayers for your hearts , all the while finding such inspiration in you Kat! You are so strong for not only going through these loses but to share your experiences with other women in hopes it might help them too . Thank you for sharing . Sending love .

    • Katrina Scott says:

      Thank you Andrea!

    • Kristen says:

      So so sorry you are going through this Katrina- we also suffered two MC recently after having our first baby no problem. There is nothing like this sadness- and it hit me also at strange times, like walking around Whole Foods I’d think “I was pregnant the last time I was here.” And start to cry. Etc.. Know you are so loved, and it WILL happen for you (and me) when the time is right. Sending you the biggest hug right now!

  4. Mindy Kim says:

    Thank you for sharing, insights into what isn’t easy and very personal. Struggling with fertility issues myself, you get so happy to be “late” then for it to eventually show up. Even the ovulation strips are defeating. While I hope my time will one day come, I’m sending you and your family so much love!

  5. Brittany says:

    Sending you strength & positive vibes through your journey!! ❤️🙏🏻

  6. Sharon says:

    Hi Katrina, I am so glad that you are opening up about your fertility because it makes me feel not so alone. I have experienced two miscarriages and one chemical pregnancy and they are all equally gutwrenching. I never thought it would be me at this point in life, but our doctor recommended we try IVF and we are just starting this journey. Oddly, I feel incredibly hopeful that maybe we can find some answers, and that we are taking control of the situation and giving ourselves increased chances of success. And we are just so very hopeful that it will finally work out for us after so many years of heartache. I literally know what you are going through. There is power when we speak up and share our pain with others. Thank you for being vulnerable, I know its not easy. Giant hugs to you, Brian and Bella.

  7. Bethany says:

    I had two miscarriages in 2020 as well. My first daughter is Bella’s age, and we had zero trouble with that pregnancy. It is so very sad to know you’ve had similar pain, but just wanted to say it brings me comfort to know someone like you, who I have looked up to and admired for years and years, and who seems to just do life so well experiences the same things I do. Wishing you all the best. Xoxo

    • Katrina Scott says:

      Bethany, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss… none of this is easy. My heart is with you! We’re in this together xxo

  8. Andy says:

    Thank you for opening up and sharing your story. Thinking of you guys 💕 I’d love to hear a podcast, and think that by you doing so would be somewhat therapeutic for you too. Xoxo.

  9. Cecilia says:

    Thank you forbsharimg your journey. It helps a lot of know we are not alone. After my partner and I have tried for the last year and a half, we finally get the yes! And sadly a month later we lost it. This is my second loss, and it just hurts. Like you, we will try again. Good luck to us all! Much love ❤

  10. Lindsay says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, Katrina. Your vulnerability, strength and grace through this tough time is inspiring. I’m going through infertility myself and your story is a reminder that none of us are alone ❤️ I’m sending you love and all of the positive vibes.
    Xo

  11. Katie says:

    I’m so sorry you guys are going through this, but I sure am glad you are talking about it. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for several years, we tried for four years to get pregnant before trying IUI’s and IVF. We never were able to conceive on our own. It is so exhausting, frustrating and you feel like you are so alone and no one really understands unless they’ve been through it themselves. It totally consumed my life and I struggled with severe anxiety and panic attacks because of it. After our second IVF transfer we are finally pregnant. Don’t give up, it is so worth it in the end!!! I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I know IVF can be controversial for some, but don’t be afraid of it. I’m not saying it isn’t hard, but you can do it! I had the best experience with our fertility team, make sure you find one that you love. Again, thank you for sharing your story, I think it needs to be heard more. You’ve got this! <3

  12. Christine says:

    Katrina, I can’t express how courageous you are for sharing your fertility journey and how many women you are helping by doing so. I’m 32 and just suffered a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks pregnant (this was our first pregnancy and we were overjoyed). The pain and sadness of experiencing a loss is something I would never wish upon anyone… my heart is with you and Brian. Please know I’m sending all of the love and positivity your way that you will get your rainbow soon xo

    • Amy says:

      Christine – I’m here with you. 32 and suffered a missed miscarriage of our first around the same time. It’s a grief I didn’t know was possible but I know we’re not alone and will come out stronger. Hugs to you. ❤️

  13. Amanda Smith says:

    Katrina…I am so sorry. These losses are so hard. My husband and I thought we couldn’t have kids…last Mother’s Day, after 13 years of no babies I found out I was pregnant. It was the best day of my life. One week later I lost that baby. And here we are trying so hard for something we had essentially given up on. I understand the ups and downs. I try to stay neutral but that grief can just sneak up on you. Thank you for sharing your story. Praying for you and Bryan as you navigate this very difficult path.

  14. Katie says:

    I too experienced a miscarriage followed by a chemical. It was so hard. I was in my darkest moments after the second loss. When I was pregnant the third time I had a threatened miscarriage due to some bleeding. Our baby girl was eventually born 10 weeks early to preeclampsia. My OB now wants to do genetic testing to see if my body is predisposed to having issues with pregnancy. Which I find a total satire of comedy since the ONLY thing I’ve ever wanted in life was to be a mom. It’s been hard but I look at my now 2 month old miracle and am brought to tears daily on how lucky we got with her.

  15. Allison says:

    I had a chemical pregnancy in 2019 and it’s such a hard loss. I KNEW I was pregnant. It was my second pregnancy and all the symptoms were there, I was just waiting for test day to confirm. I even told a close girlfriend about all the symptoms to share my excitement. I peed on the stick and it was the faintest little positive line but it was there. And then I got my period the next day, despite being 7 days late. It was heartbreaking, like I was so close. I hadn’t been pregnant long enough to tell my husband which makes it feel like my loss isn’t valid. I *know* that it is, because I was pregnant…I felt the excitement…but everything about that pregnancy existed in my internal bubble and was over faster than it started.
    A chemical pregnancy is such a hard loss because it’s a loss to YOU but you are afraid to compare it to the losses that other women experience, so you stay silent. So, know that I’ll sit in the silence with you.
    Thinking of you and only wishing the greatest joy for you and your family, and peace while you await the joy.

    • Katrina Scott says:

      thank you for this Allison… and thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry to hear. You’re so right though, it’s all tough and it’s really hard to compare to our other losses.

    • Tiffany says:

      Katrina had a point about not getting to experience the months of bonding with your pregnancy but a chemical pregnancy is still a pregnancy and a loss is a loss. If you feel it, it’s real. You have the right to share it and feel it and be comforted by those you love and who have shared the experience too. I hope you don’t feel like you have to be silent because it happened so fast. Grief needs to be let out. Thank you for sharing here and know that we’re all with you, and hopefully not in silence. 😔

    • Samantha says:

      I felt every word of that. I had a chemical pregnancy last July. I have never been late in my life. Was 10 days late. Even seeing that stat on my period tracking app for the next 5 months was horrible. It’s such a personal loss. I told no one except my partner and he just didn’t get it. I’ll sit in the silence with you too. More needs to be spoken about it. A name change might helped too. Sending love

  16. Cole W says:

    Wrapping my heart around you🤍 I suffered one chemical pregnancy and last year 2 more miscarriages, I feel like I’m seeing myself in you. Your words couldn’t have been more accurate unless I wrote them myself. Grief. Is. Awful. My husband and I just got the news that we still have no answers as to why, even after two surgeries! It sometimes feels like the loneliest journey so I thank you for sharing with us🤍🤍

  17. Leilani says:

    I’m sending you so much love. I can imagine that moment of hope and happiness and how quickly it turns to sadness. Be kind too yourself and allow those ups and downs. ❤️

  18. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, you’re a model for bravery and honesty in difficult circumstances. Praying for you and Brian!

  19. Kristy says:

    Sending you sooo much love and many, many hugs. Totally on your journey with you. We struggled the first time around and luckily welcomed our little boy (now 16 months!) thanks to IUI. This time around, no luck yet. We’re starting to look into hormone treatment and some fertility help, so we’ll see where the road takes us. God willing we all have healthy and beautiful babies in the near future. Love you Kat 💜

  20. Anna says:

    Thanks for sharing your journey 💜 keeping my hopes high for you xo! We have one 20 month old daughter and feel so blessed. 2 is on our brains – when should we try?! But it’s also scary – you don’t know the journey until you try. Everyone’s mom-journey is different but I like to think we’re all cheering each other on ✨

  21. Amy says:

    I think it would be incredible if you and Brian did a podcast. My husband and I suffered our loss over 8 years ago and it still hurts. Despite the time that has passed (and the fact that we already had a child at the time of the miscarriage) I feel that pain again when I read another story. I don’t know how to convey my feelings, but it’s a reassuring pain that makes me feel less alone. At the time I miscarried, I felt like I had to keep this secret and no one knew how much pain I was in, but I had to move forward with life — it was like I wasn’t given time to grieve. I remember telling my boss I had norovirus and needed to take a few days off. Sharing your story will help so many women who’ve experienced a loss and those who will sadly also experience a miscarriage one day. I think it would also be helpful to hear from the partner’s perspective. I kind of felt like because I had to deal with the physical aspects of the miscarriage, my husband couldn’t possibly feel the loss as much as I did I was wrong.
    My heart breaks for your family. I was fortunate to have met you both at the Dana Point retreat and saw your incredible warmth and love up front. You will always have that love no matter what happens next.

    • Emma says:

      Thinking of you and sending you a big warm hug, Katrina. Nothing about this is easy on you or Brian – and hopefully knowing how much love and support you have behind you both brings you comfort on hard days. There is so much beauty and goodness ahead for your family, I just know it. Believing it for you today and everyday and thank you for sharing your heart with us. Love you!

  22. Kate says:

    I found that one of the hardest parts was after a negative test, the almost immediate thought ‘how many weeks until we can try again’? and then the subsequent feelings of guilt for ‘wishing away time’. For me, that was one of the biggest mental struggles dealing with the infertility.

  23. Jess says:

    I had my first chemical pregnancy this week and it was so devastating and still is. We hope to expand our family by just 1 more but maybe next time. Know you are not alone and you have a whole tribe behind you.

  24. Terri Hamm says:

    Katrina I’m sending you and Brian a giant hug. Thinking of you and sending our love. 😌

  25. Ronna says:

    Thank you for sharing. Infertility is so hard and devastating, and you’re right, grief comes at the most unexpected of times. This journey makes you realize just how strong you can be. Sending you and your family lots of love and hoping your prayers are answered.

  26. Teri says:

    I will be praying that the Lord blesses you with a beautiful baby.❤️🙏❤️

  27. Jesse Bennett says:

    My hands are on your back sweet mama❤️ You are not alone in this and my heart aches for all families who have gone through this too- we went through both a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage. My goodness women are amazing. Sending you love and light ❤️✨🙏

  28. Kate Pace says:

    I am so so sorry for your losses. As someone who’s suffered two, it’s brutal. The reminders, the triggers, it all hurts. Thank you for sharing your story. We are not alone in this even though it can certainly feel that way at times! 🙏🏻

  29. Megan says:

    Kat I am sending you all the love! I experienced a missed miscarriage in 2019 (didn’t find out until I was weeks) and it shattered me. It’s honestly the worst thing. It breaks my heart that you have gone through this multiple times. I am so glad you have Brian and an incredible support system to lean on. I think it would be amazing if you guys did a podcast episode (but also completely understand if it’s too hard!) I know from my own experience how isolating and lonely it is to go through all of this. But just know everything you choose to share is helping SO many people!! Praying and hoping for your rainbow!! <3

  30. Maria says:

    Well, Katrina I feel sorry for your losses. I really can’t imagine how does it make you feel (cause I haven’t been a mother yet) but it hurts a lot. That’s for sure a heartbreaking moment in a woman’s life, but as you said we are capable of so many things and we are so strong. Only thing we have to do is to just believe in ourselves and empower us, and that’s what exactly that article did. Thank you Katrina! You’re an amazing person and I’m sure that this day wilk come sooner or later ❤️ Lots of love from Greece.
    P.S. Both Brian and you don’t lose faith. You’re amazing people.

  31. Anna says:

    Thanks for sharing your journey! Big hugs to you and Brian. It’s never an easy topic to talk about but you help so many women by doing so.

    In 2019 I had a tubal pregnancy and was so scared when it was all happening. The excitement is real when you get that positive and then it’s so sad when you see signs of loss. I have 2 boys now and I will never take it for granted!

    Sending you positive vibes on your journey 💗

  32. Allison says:

    Sending you so much love. You are an inspiration to me and so many women. Your bravery in sharing your fertility journey is yet another way you are supporting and uplifting this beautiful community you’ve built. Lots of love (and wine) to you—brighter days are ahead. Xo

  33. Candice says:

    Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It makes those of us also on their hard fertility journeys feel less alone, and gives hope that if we stay the course and support each other, we will find our rainbows 🌈💜

  34. Vanessa Perez-King says:

    I’ve experienced a second term miscarriage and that tore me to pieces. I did have to go through the surgery and the aftermath was the worst. I fell into a huge depression and nobody could relate and I couldn’t talk about it. Fast forward to 12 years later. I felt pregnant and I could feel my breast’s getting heavy, so I took a test and sure enough I was pregnant. I made a doctor appt and the day of the dr appt I got my period. He explained it was a chemical pregnancy. I walked out of the appt and I was sad but keeping it together. My husband didn’t quite understand and felt like I should be good since we didn’t go through a sonogram and all the regular things on a first doctor visit. But I was sad again and fell into a depression again. Not as quite severe as the first time around, but still depressed. I felt alone and just again because people don’t understand they don’t know what to say. I would love to hear the perspective of you and Brian going through this because some men don’t know how to show their support even though they may want to. But to hear what he thought and how supportive could definitely help women like me to possibly have their hubby’s sit and listen together.

  35. Danielle says:

    I’m so incredibly sorry Katrina. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage myself but I’ve lost a child. My first pregnancy we found out during the anatomy ultrasound our son had a birth defect called Anencephaly. It’s a neural tube defect when part of the brain and skull don’t form. It was heart wrenching. I carried him and gave birth to him via c section at 35 weeks 3 days. I was stopped all the time by well meaning people asking about the baby but I kept things short because I knew my son would not survive. I felt him move all the time but when he was born, he was unconsciousness, but lived 78 minutes. He would have been 5 1/2 years old now. I still mourn him. I have 2 beautiful sons (3 and 8 weeks), but it’s still hard because you think what if. What if my first born was healthy and here today, what would life be like?
    My husband told me grief and loss is like a ball in a box. Sometimes the ball is so big it takes up the entire box, but other days the ball is much smaller, but the ball is always there.
    You are so strong and I hope you find peace and you are able to grow your family. Thank you for sharing your
    journey.

    • Katrina Scott says:

      Danielle you are so brave 💙 Thank you for sharing… I’m so sorry for the pain you have suffered. And the box analogy totally makes sense.

  36. Alicia says:

    I know exactly how you feel. We experienced the whirlwind of a chemical pregnancy this Christmas and it was disappointing to say the least. It was my first since having our son two years ago. Would love to hear more about you and Bryan’s journey and path forward.

  37. Kendra says:

    Katrina,
    I just want to give you a big big hug! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You are such a strong and brave woman and I admire you so much! Having experienced a chemical pregnancy myself in 2018, I know how hard it is even though it was only a few weeks. I still think about and I think I’ll forever think about it but I know God had other plans for us. Maybe we can’t understand why, but I always remember what someone told me once, God only gives the toughest challenges to the strongest people.
    Sending you all the hugs and keep shining bright. ILYSM!
    Kendra💜
    💜💜

  38. Kim says:

    Praying and thinking of you and your family! ❤️ we had fertility issues with our second child (my first we had no issues, go figure 🤷‍♀️). And even though everyone’s fertility journey is very different, the emotions are the same. Thank you for being brave enough to share so that others struggling can work through these emotions and *live beautifully* through the pain.

  39. Kaitlyn says:

    I am so sorry you’ve experienced this. I just had 2 back to back chemicals and it is devastating. We’ve been trying for baby #2 for 7 months. Each month that goes by I feel more numb. Thank you for sharing and opening yourself up, it’s not an easy topic to discuss. Thinking of you & sending you so much love.

  40. Tiffany says:

    Just sending love. I’d appreciate hearing anything you want to share. It’s incredibly selfless of you to put your experience and heartache out there for everyone to see but also so important for those who have shared a similar experience. Like I said, just sending love ❤️

  41. Tara Astrom says:

    So very sorry that you’ve had to endure another loss. It’s so very unfair. Thank you for sharing your journey and being so open. Sending you the biggest hug and sending positive thoughts that this next time is the one! ❤️

  42. Margaret Duffy says:

    Katrina, my heart aches for you. You’re strength is astounding.

  43. Amber Mamian says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand the emotional roller coaster. I suffered 3 miscarriages (1 being a chemical pregnancy) in the last 2 years. I am now 18 weeks pregnant at age 39 and so far the baby and me have both been incredibly healthy. I did hire a nutritionist after the losses. I was estrogen dominant and with some deitary changes and cleaning up our household cleaning and my beauty products I was able to balance my hormones and I am positive that made all the difference in this pregnancy. Not sure what steps you have taken but just in case it helps I wanted to share. Best of luck on your journey!!

  44. Julie says:

    My heart and prayers are with you, Katrina! We struggled with fertility for almost two years before finding out IVF was our only option. I truly understand the emotions surrounding your journey and am sending all my love your way ❤️❤️❤️

  45. Michelle “Momchelle” says:

    Sending you lots of love, hugs and hope! ❤️🤗🙏🏻

  46. Alyssa says:

    Sending you warm hugs and keeping you in my prayers. Your strength and vulnerability through this journey is admirable ❤️

  47. Teressa says:

    I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I have experienced loss as well. Pregnancy is beautiful and then to lose the baby, you feel as if you’ve lost a part of yourself and also like a failure, like something was wrong with you, as if you’re the reason you couldn’t hold on to the pregnancy. But it isn’t. It is in fact, part of Gods plan. Everything we experience makes us stronger, and He gives us what we can handle. So know if something overwhelming comes along, He knows you can handle it. Find strength in the future and never lose your hope. You can do this, even if it’s hard. You will grow your family the way it’s intended.
    You have so much love surrounding you and Brian..and Bella! (Oh and Whinnie). You’re wonderful and are beautiful inside and out. Life with give you all the blessings you hope for. I truly believe that.

    Love ya girl!!!!

  48. Emily says:

    My thoughts are with you. I too have had the same experience, three times so far and for some reason I didn’t allow myself to cry. I felt sad and shook it off…until one day you first shared your story and it hit me so deeply I finally cried and truly let myself feel it and I thank you for that. Keep going
    mama and thank you for sharing.

  49. Kayleigh Onstott says:

    Oh Katrina! Sending you and Brian SO much love and peace. 💙 ✨ So many women I know have been struggling with these same things. When you are ready, I think that sharing more of your story on your podcast will be welcomed by many. You are very brave to share with the world and to keep trying. I feel it in my soul that you are going to have your sweet little one soon. Thank you for your constant light. 😘

  50. Caroline Brewer says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. I’ve tried to imagine how I would handle greif. Hearing your story helps me face the unknown with courage when I hear you tell how you continue to live and find beauty midst the darkness.

  51. Staci says:

    I am so sorry for your losses. I remember all too well those years we struggled to have a family and the rollercoaster of emotions. I felt shame and hid that we were trying from everyone, and then confusion when I was late and took a test that was positive then the next day started my period. My Dr said it happens more often than people realize. Even for that 1 day of knowing I remember the joy and then sadness, and still wonder how different our lives would have been, but yet we wouldn’t have our 3rd child that we have now! You are so strong for sharing your heartaches and triumphs, but know that thru it all we have our hands on your backs here for you.

    • Samantha says:

      We decided to try for a baby last spring/summer and I luckily got pregnant on one of the first few months. I knew I was pregnant. I can’t explain it I just knew. I felt this deep calm within me and knew that this is what my body was supposed to do. A big shock of a feeling coming from me, as I’ve forever been petrified of pregnancy/birthing. The day after my test. I was 10 days late. I had a chemical pregnancy. It’s such a hard grief. The only person I told was my partner. This month has been strange as I know I would have been holding a new born right now. Thank you for speaking about this topic. For giving other women the strength to speak about this topic. Miscarriage is wrongly such a taboo subject. But chemical pregnancies are rarely spoken about so people don’t understand them and so lack the compassion that the women who have suffered them need. Sending you and Brian all my love and strength. Please only do the podcast if you feel you can do it. Don’t put any pressure on yourself. Thinking of you both and hoping that your miracle rainbow baby comes soon ❤️

  52. Toni says:

    I had a chemical pregnancy too, although I didn’t know that was the name for it! I was at work when my bleeding just got heavier and heavier, and the cramps were awful. Sorry you had to go through it too.

  53. Nadine says:

    Sending all my love to you <3

    I know it may be a little strange but try to think about other things, relax your mind from it. I believe that if the doctor says not to try ivf just now it might have a reason for it.

  54. Annie says:

    Wrapping my arms around you too, Kat. I’ve found the most power and strength in sharing my story and this post proves the power in that. You are helping countless women it’s so so so beautiful.

  55. Wendy says:

    I’m crying writing this! My heart truly goes out to you, as I’ve been on the same journey after two miscarriages. During those hard moments when it is overwhelming sad it makes it even harder not having someone to talk to that understands what you are going through or has the right words to say, I don’t even have the right words to say. Thank you for sharing your story it gives me hope! I wish you more love, strength and many blessings! xo

  56. Chantel says:

    Thinking of you, Katrina!! Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. You are such a strong woman and amazing role model. Prayers for you and your family. Trust in God’s timing. Better days are coming… ❤️❤️❤️

  57. Jessica says:

    Oh Kat, I so relate to everything you said here. I’ve had 2 miscarriages and 3 chemicals and hope to start IVF later this year. I’ve stayed silent about it for the most part. It’s been an incredibly lonely and heartbreaking experience. Thank you for being so open and reminding women, myself included, that we aren’t on this roller coaster alone. Baby dust and good vibes!

  58. Brittney says:

    My heart goes out to you and Brian, I am praying for your strength during this time and that you will be blessed with a healthy baby. No matter how far along you are, losing a baby is heart wrenching. After trying for 6 months, I had a missed miscarriage the first time we got pregnant. We went in for our first doctors appointment to find there was no heartbeat, I was 8 weeks along. We then had to go to a second doctor for a second opinion, just to be sure. I appreciated the double check, but not hearing a heart beat twice was so hard. I didn’t want to wait for the baby to pass naturally so we took the medication (which was so hard because I know what the pill is also used for). You wait and wait for something to happen, nothing happened. So for another week I carried our little one around until I had a D&C. When I saw my husband after the surgery I lost it. 6 months later we found out I was pregnant again…St Patrick’s Day 2020, 5 days into quarantine and in November we welcomed our sweet rainbow baby boy. Losing a little one is so hard, praying you guys hold your rainbow baby soon <3

  59. Chelsea says:

    We CAN do hard things, but that doesn’t make infertility any easier. Somehow we just forge ahead in the face of unshakeable grief. Sending you so much love. We’re preparing for our third frozen embryo transfer (the first two failed), so a podcast about your journey would certainly resonate with me <3

  60. Katy says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss Kat. I have been going through very similar struggles as of late and the layers of what we think as we take the PT and wait in hope for two lines yet also struggle when disappointment follows, sometimes it’s a lonely feeling and sometimes it’s numbing (because your win the merry go round of all emotions). Saying a prayer for you and Brian. Not everyone understands but I definitely do. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable.

  61. Sandra says:

    Hi Katrina,

    You have no idea how much I appreciate you posting this and how much I can relate to this post. I have gone through a pretty bad miscarriage in January, literally 2 days after my birthday and totally unexpected. I was starting my second trimester and I was so excited and then it happened… Missed miscarriage… And my heart broke into millions of pieces

    Seeing your post gives me hope and makes me feel like I’m not alone in this awful journey and recovery period.. Which as you mentioned, is very weird because one moment you’re laughing and the other you’re crying.

    Thank you for always being by our sides and inspiring us to be our best versions

    • Katrina Scott says:

      I’m so sorry Sandra… my other two were missed miscarriages too. I’ll be thinking of you each day while we’re on this journey together.

  62. Sandy says:

    Hi Katrina,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s heartbreaking I know..I’ve experienced it myself twice. You’re absolutely right about the strange grieving process but we, women are strong and determined. Don’t give up! It was comforting for me to know I have a loving husband who supports me whichever way life turns. We have to try and find gratitude wherever we can I guess. I am finally pregnant but everyday I worry about a loss. I don’t think the pain will fully go away until the day I know I delivered a healthy baby. Just shows how painful loss can
    be. But there’s always hope so I wanted to encourage you and say ‘Don’t give up’! ❤️

  63. Holly says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this. No matter how far along you are, a pregnancy is a pregnancy and it’s an awful loss. I’ve had 4 losses myself and they have made me into a different person. So many emotions and it’s difficult to get excited when you do see those 2 pink lines. Hang on to your beautiful Bella miracle in the meantime. I’ll be praying for you. ❤️

  64. Lucy Friday says:

    Hi Katrina, thank you for sharing your story … you definitely go through the waves of emotions I’m trying for my second it’s so strange once you have had your first and then struggle with your second. Its frustrating but I also remember to feel blessed with the little angel we have… I am glad you are choosing hope I choose hope too x sending your family much love xx

  65. Stacy Wimpy says:

    Thank you for sharing your journey and being so honest! While I am have not experienced pregnancy and all that goes with it, I am inspired by your strength and courage and your hope that you have shown. I believe in God and the power of prayer, I will be praying for you and Brian everyday. God is in control and when He is ready for you to be pregnant again, He will bless you and your family in abundance! xoxo

  66. Kathryn says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us, Kat. Sending so much love.

  67. Melissa says:

    I feel like I am living in the “don’t get too high or too low” also – especially with this pregnancy after our loss last year. Sending you all the hugs and love because I know what it’s like to pee on that stick and hope for the best. LOVE

  68. Alissa says:

    I deeply appreciate your openness. We are looking at starting a family but based on where we are at, I am worried it may be a struggle. Hearing other people share their journeys reminds me that this is more common than we think, women are so strong even in the thick of life, and it also gives me some peace.

  69. Terri says:

    You don’t know it, but you have been a part of my life for many years. In January 2014 I was about to do my very first Tone It Up challenge- the Love your Body Challenge. I was nervous to start it. My little girl was 2 years old and she looked up at me and said “Be brave mommy.” You and Karena, and my sweet kids have inspired me for years to be brave enough to try to take care of and love my body. You give off so much love, light and positivity, and I know God is with you and watching over you. I just want you to know you will always be in my prayers, and I think you are so brave to share your journey and heartaches with us all. ❤

  70. Thank you Katrina for always sharing with so much strength, love, humility, clarity and truth.
    My Mom suffered 2 miscarriages in one pregnancy, one at a few weeks and a girl (who she named) at 7 months. I feel that too, only because of the loss my mother carries with her every day. She is the strongest woman and you bring that light on all woman who have had to say goodbye before meeting their children.

    So much love
    Chenae

  71. Rebecca says:

    I had a chemical pregnancy two years ago. We decided to start trying on our honeymoon and got pregnant. I knew right away and became tired, started having nausea. My period was 3 weeks late. Just before hitting the gym I went to go to the bathroom. I’ll spare you the details but I knew I miscarriaged. The memory still stings a little but we were blessed with becoming pregnant with a little girl about 6 months later. I’m so grateful for her. I’m now 12 weeks into my second pregnancy and think about your loss over the last year constantly. There is no way to truly prepare for loss or gain. We can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you and Brian and sending love your way. Xo

  72. Sarah says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. It can be so hard at times reliving those experiences but from someone who has experienced loss and miscarriages I think it’s nice to know you aren’t alone in your feelings. Hang in there and squeeze that sweet angel baby extra harder tonight 💗

  73. Rachel Wilson says:

    Thank you for being so open with your struggles. I can relate to your heartbreak, you are not alone. Grief does come in waves, and all you can do is ride them when they come. You are strong to pick yourself and to keep on keeping on. Hug your baby girl extra tight! Sending so much love!

  74. Heather says:

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m also going through infertility after two miscarriages.

    Sending love to your family and all others!

  75. Rachel says:

    Praying for you and Brian, Katrina 💛 I am asking that you all are able to grow your family soon and that you have joy until that day comes! ✨

  76. Chrissy says:

    It took me 4 years to conceive my first and it was one of the loneliest and lowest times of my life. More and more women sharing their stories makes me feel so good that others will not feel so alone. I wrap my heart around you and Brian and pray for a healthy pregnancy very soon. ❤️

  77. Meg Smiles says:

    Thank you so much … I haven’t heard of anyone having 2 misses in 2020 (like myself) after having a 2 yr old that came so naturally …. plus a chemical pregnancy in 2021 (like myself) and I just wish you weren’t a public figure so that you would see this and we could relate.

    In any case, wishing you all the best

    X
    Meg

    In any case, thank you and wishing you the best.

  78. Kendal Klingenstein says:

    Thank you for sharing. ❤️ Although I have not experienced a loss in the same way that you have shared, I understand the anxieties and fear that come with fertility struggles. In 2019, I had a borderline ovarian tumor which is a form of ovarian cancer. Thankfully, I am now very healthy! My oncologist has advised me to freeze my eggs this summer due to the recurrence rates of my condition. I am
    scared out of my mind but hearing your story and reading everyone else’s here has helped feel like I am not alone. I want to be at my best for my egg freezing journey, so I have been working hard in the Tone It Up app and THANK YOU for the platform. The pressure of being physically and mentally ready is eased when laughing and having fun working out with you and the girls.

  79. Christina says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. It takes an incredible amount of patience and forbearance to travel on this journey. Please take heart despite setbacks and be sure to give yourself a period of rebirth and restoration. Pregnancy can be so fraught with fear and I identify a lot with that “not too high/not too low” attitude. (Both pregnancies were later in life following multiple surgeries *nail biting*) I truly believe that if you feel called to have another child, it’s because somewhere in the Universe, a perfect soul is looking for you to be his or her mother. Sending you and all other grieving women blessings and peace.

  80. Rebecca King says:

    Katrina, thanks for sharing this difficult and sensitive experience. I too experienced three miscarriages. I found out that it was because my progesterone levels were low- so when the baby I was carrying became 12 weeks gestation, and the placenta “takes over” as the source of nutrients and life for the growing baby, the low progesterone cannot support the placentas amazing job. Before 12 weeks the yolk sac has been the source and if by 12 weeks progesterone is low, it’s one way miscarriage can take place any time up til that milestone.
    I am a momma of seven now.
    I had the miscarriages in this order:
    Before my first born child
    Before my fourth
    Before my fifth.

    I have been using Progessence Plus for many years by Young Living, to support healthy progesterone levels and just so so I can get the discount I am a distributor. Many women who have had trouble carrying to term or miscarrying have had success with this. Let me know if I can help you, i can give you my discount. It’s all natural essential oil. Love you and thinking of you. Love Becca King ( long time fan of yours and TIU nutrition program member since 2016)

  81. Naidynne Alvarez says:

    Sending you hugs Katrina. I feel your pain and you are not alone. Our angel babies are watching us from above ❤

  82. I know how you feel. Been there. I’m sending back a wrapped heart to you and Brian 🤍

  83. Elisheva says:

    I have one beautiful son that I am so grateful for. But I still think about the brother and sister he will never have. I just turned 49, and although I am not in menopause, I feel as though I aged early because of the losses in my life. I have the sweetest, most supportive, loving hubby and we are planning our travels and looking forward to the next adventures together. But I still look back wistfully at times.
    You are an incredible momma and a beautiful angel spreading her light.
    Sending all my love to you and Brian. May you have the beautiful child that your heart desires.

  84. Thanks so much for sharing. It’s so incredibly helpful and comforting to read stories you can relate to. I’m going through missed miscarriage #2 within 5 months of each other. No babies yet but god do we keep hope in our heart that our time will come. I’d love to hear a podcast on your journey. Stay strong and thanks so much for your courage- it helps more than you know ❤️❤️

  85. Kristine says:

    I’m so sorry. There are no words to make you feel better but please know I’m praying and sending you so much love 🤎 You are so strong mama!

  86. Kristine says:

    I’m so sorry. I’m praying and sending you so much love. You are strong mama 🤎

  87. Lauren says:

    So sorry Katrina. My heart goes out to you during this frustrating roller coaster. I also had a chemical miscarriage before having my daughter and it was hard. Would love to hear a podcast about you and Brian’s journey.
    Sending love, Lauren

  88. Libby says:

    Sending hugs and strength to you! I don’t even know how I found myself here, it’s been a blur of a couple days. I found out I was pregnant beginning of March with our first. My husband and I really settled into being pregnant, I love it, I wake up with so much excitement and nothing I can describe other then the most special feeling that carries me through the day. I had a 8 week ultrasound on Thursday and it ended up being the saddest day of my life, watching the doctor say the words no heartbeat just rushed over me. I felt under a heavy wave that literally couldn’t gasp for air. I didn’t understand, I’ve been so nervous, up until the week of the appointment I felt pure optimism that we reached far enough. My doctor said maybe I’m not as far along as we thought, and bringing me back in 12 days for another scan. How? How do I do that? I walk around either waiting for my body to let go, I refuse to have faith there’s still a chance but can’t stop reading any internet case regarding missed miscarriage. I can’t move, I can’t talk about it, when I think I have no tears and tell myself I will get to the other side some quickly reminds me how much I wanted it. We were telling our families this weekend, I had a onsie deliver the night before my appointment, my husband bought the celebrity bottle of booze his family drinks to celebrate. My best friend of my entire life found out she was pregnant 2 weeks after me, and just like that all those feelings and excitement just gone. The support of my friends and family have been nothing short of unconditional, but I am still her waiting in this painful limbo, stuck without hope or a definitive answer. I just want to move on, I just want to be on the other side. I just want to be able to control this grief that comes in such unexpected waves. I want to stop feeling like I’m overreacting. Thanks for sharing hearing women tell their stories have been the only thing that helps, and siting here with tears running down my face, typing these words have brought a sigh of relief. Though there’s so much support I feel like I need to keep a positive, brave face. The world is hard on everyone and maybe my strength can help someone else, even if I’m faking it. I don’t know, sending love, and happiness.

  89. Stephanie M. says:

    First off, biggest hugs to you. I’m so thankful for you being vulnerable and sharing your story, your heart, and your heartache.

    I’m currently on the fertility journey. I hate even saying “infertility” because I don’t want to believe that’s our reality. Surprisingly, I believe I’m fertile and that my husband is, but for some reason it’s just not happening as we planned. The grief really does come in waves, and sometimes my grief leans more towards anger or sadness. Each month I get my period is another reminder of what I’m longing for but do not yet have.

    But I like how you said “we will try again soon”. I feel that way after I have my good cry, realizing I’m not pregnant. It does bring a sense of hope in a time that to me, feels isolating. Thanks again for sharing something so intimate and challenging. Sending all my love to you xoxo

  90. Danielle says:

    Wrapping my heart around you! Your story is both sad and beautiful. Don’t lose faith! Sending prayers and love to you and your beautiful family!

  91. Joanna says:

    Lots of strength and positivity your way. It is such an emotional ride . I can totally relate as I have been there. I now have 3 year old twins from IVF. Hang in there and best of luck!! You are an inspiration to so many . Thanks for sharing your story. It isn’t an easy one to share.

  92. Solange says:

    I had 2 (possibly 3) miscarriages before I had my son. We are now trying again and I’m terrified that it will happen again. I do think about the losses, but I see them as angles watching over us rather than babies I lost. They will always be my babies no matter what. Hugs to you and anyone going through something similar. As you said, fertility can be such an emotional and scary experience, yet still people are afraid to talk about it.

  93. Brittany says:

    I’m so sorry for what you are going through. We just had our second miscarriage 3 weeks ago at 12 weeks pregnant. The emotions you go through are so tough. I have a daughter who is almost two – people loveee to say “well, at least you have her.” Trying to make the loss of our almost second child less painful? It’s sad seeing how many people are also going through this struggle but it’s comforting to know others are out there that can relate and it really helps to feel like you aren’t alone.

  94. Cat says:

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. We’ve had 3 losses as well. One before our son and two after. It took us 4 years and IVF and so much in between but I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant. There IS hope. ❤️ (And I’m not saying do IVF. As someone who is conscientious of what I put in and on my body, it took me awhile to even wrap my head and heart around fertility treatments of any sort. It has been a process to get to the place of accepting that infertility and loss and ivf are now part of my story. But again… there is hope. ❤️

  95. My heart absolutely breaks for you. I am an infertility warrior myself. My husband and I adopted embryos as we can’t conceive on our own. Our journey was absolutely traumatizing and so painful, but we have our two beautiful miracles now (our daughter is almost 2 and our son is 12 days old) and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

    We infertility warriors need to stick together. If on the off chance you see this, just know I’ll be supporting you through your whole journey. Sending strength and good vibes!!!

    Xoxo,
    Marissa Weatherby

  96. Mara says:

    Thank you for being so open about your journey. Please remember that while we are so grateful for your openness, you should not feel obligated to share, ever. Even after you sharing this whole time, if you ever want to stop don’t hesitate and just take care of you! You are amazing! ❤️

  97. Kirsty says:

    I just had the same recently. We are trying, I’m 36 and starting to feel lost. We tried IVF which also didn’t work but we will get there. Love you both so much.

  98. Stephanie says:

    Katrina, you’re stronger than you realize. As strange as this sounds, I think some of us are chose to go through fertility issues because someone up above knows where resilient and will be a voice for others in the future. My husband and I tried for 2 years before we started IVF. We had our first cycle, had great egg results at 20 but, I hyper stimulated so we had to do a frozen transfer. With that cycle we only had 1 frozen embryo and unfortunate it didn’t stick. The trauma is like no other when you know you’ll have to physically do the weeks of shots all over again. We went into our second cycle and this time we had 9 frozen embryos. I had to trust the doctors that whatever happened last cycle, they knew what to change, and it worked. We had our embryo transfer in March and we’re pregnant! Whatever path you choose, do what feels right in your gut. Remain resilient, surround yourself with friends/family you love, stay hydrated, cry whenever you want, and trust that someone above has your back that when it’s time it will happen. I know you’re from Mass, we went through Boston IVF in case you want to reach out to them for California resources.

    Xoxo

    • Katrina Scott says:

      Wow stephanie… i’m researching hyper stimulation. Thanks so much for sharing… and congrats!

  99. Nicole says:

    I wish you nothing but the best during your IVF journey! Infertility is one of the most difficult, internal battles to deal with. While we may have all had our own reasons why we can’t get pregnant or have trouble, we all understand the heartbreak. Every month of looking at negative pregnancy tests becomes daunting and draining and you begin to lose hope that it’s not going to happen. It took my husband and I two years to finally become pregnant with our first child, and it is all thanks to IVF! While it may not be the way you envisioned how this would be, I wish you nothing but love and success in this journey! Infertility is the worst group to be a part of, with the best members and support system out there!

  100. Melissa Schmidt says:

    I’m so so sorry for your losses. We suffered miscarriages and struggled with infertility. It’s the worst. We ended up doing IVF in La Jolla working with Dr. Garzo (the first 2 doctors said to call when I was prego). Awful. So when we met with him, he figured it out and was just so kind and warm through all of it. Please let me know if you have any questions at all…when I was going through it, I really didn’t talk about it. It was very lonely. Just know that you’re strong and you will get this figured out.

  101. Andrea says:

    Your words touch more women than I am sure you truly know. You give me the hope as strength that I need to continue everyday. It’s such a difficult topic to discuss and I am sure painful to share. I have experienced 2 miscarriages within the past 5 months and it’s hard. Reading your story makes me feel like everything will be okay. You are an incredibly strong woman. Praying for you and your growing family.

  102. Robyn A says:

    I just hope through all of your heartbreak, you find the strength to be able to still be you. Because I think you seem like such an incredible, optimistic person who is a driving force behind so many women. Personally, you’ve helped me in ways that may seem small but were so impactful. And I truly look up to you as a role model as a mom and person. I send you so much love, I know your next baby is waiting for you 💕

  103. Joanna says:

    Ah I’m so sorry! My husband and I experienced a chemical pregnancy when we first started trying. I remember being 5 days late and so hopeful and then having the heaviest period of my life. It was so disappointing. I would be interested in a podcast on your journey but only if you feel like you have the energy to do one. It’s such an emotional journey and I hope you don’t feel like you “owe it” to anyone to explain everything you and Brian have gone through. Sending all the hugs ❤️

  104. Michelle Lavallee says:

    Thank you so much for sharing! I am reading this as I sit in my IVF office nervously waiting for my HSG test. I too experiences 2 miscarriages in the past year. You’re strength and willingness to share is inspiring! It feels good to not be alone and know you are not alone either!

  105. Bethany P says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I’m praying for you on your journey. It’s so hard!! You’re inspiring for sharing. We need to bring light to this so much more so people don’t feel alone! I got pregnant for the first time last year, I couldn’t believe it! Everything was fine, we saw a heartbeat and all labs were good! I went in for my second semester ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I think the worst part of that was that for weeks I lost the baby but my body didn’t recognize that. I thought I was pregnant and I wasn’t. Having a D&C isn’t fun, it’s like going into labor and delivery, and coming out empty handed. We started trying again, after a few months just praying I would be late, I was pregnant again. Surely, I wasn’t going to have a second miscarriage, right? The chances of that are 2%. One morning, I was 8 weeks and woke up to pee, there was blood. I had an ultrasound that day and heard a heartbeat. But then I just kept bleeding and bleeding. I knew I’d lost the baby. We’re now trying again, but I have all these new anxieties. Tracking ovulation gives me anxiety, peeing on a pregnancy test, I AM SCARED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM LITERALLY EVERY TIME FOR FEAR OF BLEEDING. What if I miscarry a third time? Then will doctors listen and do further testing? All that to say, God has a plan for me and for everyone else going through this. We just need to stick together and hold onto our loved ones.

  106. Sarah Schell says:

    Sending love and hopes for joy in whatever future you and Brian and Bella find for yourselves 💛💛💛
    Thank you for being so open and candid with your story. I’m sure it’s so difficult to share, but your vulnerability can make us all more brave, like you. Take care of your heart, girl. You’re not alone. Xoxo

  107. Brittany says:

    I’m so sorry Katrina. I couldn’t agree more with everything you’ve said. We did our first round of IVF and unfortunately, we did not have any viable embryos. It’s been absolutely heart breaking. So many prayers though that for the doctors and your body, that they do exactly what they are meant to do! 💕🙏🏽

  108. Allison says:

    Thank you for sharing your experience! Pregnancy loss and IVF are topics that are not well shared, but women like you are changing that for the better. It is emotionally and physically draining. I am a pediatric physician that has been through multiple early pregnancy losses prior to IVF and some failed IVF attempts, but I now have my 2 wonderful children. I doubted myself through the whole process. Trust your medical team. The IVF doctors and nurses put their whole hearts into this. Once again, thanks for sharing! Your experience will help so many women out there going through it as well!

  109. Nadia says:

    Dear Kat I know very well all this and some more.. unfortunately for me i guess a baby is just not possible at this stage. Any way I wanted to tell you to try (I know is tooo harrrddd) but try and don’t think about it. Honestly hear me out. Try and relax. Just make a break of this expectation of getting pregnant. The stress and the fact that when you are trying to be with your husband you are even unconsciously thinking about it… makes it really much harder. I have some friends that they finally get pregnant when they finally had quitting ! Is this crazy or what!? Not one case but several actually experienced this. Even the IVF didn’t work! And was like by a miracle but after they decided “ok it’s enough”.. that the stress went a way.. some vacations in the mix and they get pregnant agains all odds.. please give it a try 😘 wishing you all the best!

  110. Breanne says:

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for sharing your story…infertility is such a common problem that isn’t talked about enough. It’s a very lonely, frustrating thing to go through. My husband and I tried for 7.5 years before doing IVF and got pregnant on the first try. Our daughter is turning 3 soon, and I am pregnant (naturally) with our second. I never thought I could get pregnant on my own. Don’t ever give up if expanding your family is on your heart. Sending positive prayers and strength your way. 🙏🏼❤️

  111. Nicole says:

    Hi Kat. I have been going through infertility treatments for 2.5 years in a clinic and 3 years on top of that with trying naturally. (5.5 years total). We have had 2 chemical pregnancies and the moment we gave up we were pregnant. We were 3 months pregnant and I fell. I had horrific panic attacks that night and called the clinic the next day. As I was there the nurse stated, he has grown since thurs, right up to date where he should be! This was Monday… out of fear she gasped, and panicked, there was no heartbeat.. we lost him. Our 1st baby. This was one of the absolutely hardest moments of my life. Watching him grow from what looked like a dot in my belly to a full blown baby. I felt I knew him. I loved him so much. And just like that he was gone.
    We have no other children. I do wish we did.
    And I do not know your exact pain or what you are going through but I can relate.
    I know those moments of being somewhere “in the middle” and just moving through this. Bc that’s exactly what I do. No one can tell any of us what we are feeling is wrong. Everyone feels differently.
    And whether we tell our story or not we are all so strong for going through this. IVF alone is not easy. Add the meds, add all the appts, add the “your not pregnant” talks, etc … it’s beyond what any woman should have to go through.
    Thank you for sharing. Thank you for talking. I cried reading your message bc I felt like it hit so close to home.
    I will be praying for you and sending good energy your way! I hope your ok with that.
    My husband and I decided to try again! We now know we can get pregnant and pregnant longer than a chemical pregnancy so although we lost our 1st baby. It was not in vein. He blessed us with knowing there is hope for me to get pregnant again.
    My little angel baby!

  112. Erin says:

    Just wanted to send so much love, appreciation for your honesty, and admiration of your strength in sharing your journey. I have endometriosis and was told we had little chance of getting pregnant on our own. We had our first IVF consult in February (and mind you we are on our third postponed wedding date still-but already got
    married in November.) Anyway because I am about to be 34 we didn’t want to waste time and actually found out we got pregnant on our own. As exciting as it is so am terrified that at 6 weeks pregnant, I know in the back of my mind it’s not guaranteed. Your strength drives me and I try to appreciate everything in the moment and know that whatever happens we will get through it. 💕

  113. Jessica says:

    So eloquently written and I feel every one of your words. We’ve miscarried twice in the last year, I think the same times as you have. So immensely painful but I’m blown away at how strong we can be (or maybe just have to be). I remember thinking that I would never survive a pregnancy loss, but I did. And then I thought I would never get through another one and you do. You just survive. But you’re right about the good days and bad. And the sobbing over nothing. I’m fine until I’m not. The tiniest thing just sends me over the edge and then fertility is all I can think about. Sending you so much love and thank you so much for sharing your journey. Your honesty and openness makes my journey feel less alone xxxx

  114. Cait Apple says:

    Thank you for sharing your vulnerable story and have been truly thinking of you through this tough year plus journey. Sending you all the love.

  115. Chelsea says:

    Love you Kat. A beautiful bright eyed baby and sibling for Bella will happen. Sending love and hugs.

    Please do a podcast, it will help so many who go through this too. Xoxo

  116. Melanie says:

    You are so brave to share your journey. I had to go through IVF to have my daughter, who is 2.5 now. Suffered the heartbreak of 2 miscarriages afterward, but kept the faith, as both were without IVF. Then one day out of the blue, I found out I was pregnant again. I’m due with a boy in June and it’s still scary. I write all of this with tears I’m my eyes. It’s such a pain you can’t explain until you have gone through it. The power of support from others is an amazing thing…never lose your faith. Stay positive, stay empowering to others, enjoy your beautiful family and life. Sending positive thoughts your way with hopes you will be successful in your baby journey 🤍

  117. Lacy says:

    Good luck mama!! Sending love and support. Fertility can be such a challenge and different for everyone. Hope is definitely what keeps you going. Thank you for sharing your story!

  118. Megan says:

    Katrina,

    First and foremost, thank you for being so transparent. Sharing your story takes so much strength… losing a pregnancy is such a helpless and lonely feeling. Hearing other women going through similar experiences lets us know we are not alone. I had an very unexpected pregnancy last August. My husband and I have two amazing children and having more was never really our “plan.” But, seeing those two pink lines brought this incredible excitement and desire… I couldn’t stop smiling and already started making plans for a nursery, names, etc.

    Sadly, one morning I woke up to what started as light spotting, but progressed a full-blown (worse than usual, like you described) period. I am a nurse and had a 12 hour shift ahead of me. I crawled back into bed and told my husband… never would I have expected to feel such grief. I was about 5 weeks pregnant. I started researching and realized I had most likely had a chemical pregnancy.

    I couldn’t shake that feeling that after loosing the pregnancy, something was missing. I am deeply blessed to have two beautiful babies and I cherish them every moment. But, I go back to “what if” all the time. We haven’t been preventing pregnancy, but I haven’t been able to get pregnant again since. So, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I sincerely thank you for sharing such intimate details of your journey with us. Hearing other women share their stories has helped me heal so much. And a podcast episode with you and Brian would be great!! 🙂 you are not alone!!!

    I think about

  119. Amy says:

    Thank you for sharing your journey. I had a D&C today after a missed miscarriage and I feel so empty. It’s been hard to articulate to those who haven’t experienced it, but I sent your video from last Mother’s Day (which leaves me in uncontrollable tears each time I allow myself to watch it) to my best friend because it so well captures when I am right now. Your strength in sharing this through a Podcast would be so helpful moving forward. Thank you for everything.

  120. Rebekah says:

    I have 4 beautiful, sweet children God has blessed me with on earth.

    I also have 4 beautiful, sweet babies in Heaven and it doesn’t make the pain any better. I’ve had a chemical miscarriage twice, around 4 weeks. I’ve also miscarried after 12 weeks – this was the hardest since we had heard it’s precious little heart beating. And I just miscarried again in January. It’s all been devastating and it’s so hard to explain the pain to those who haven’t experienced it.

    The book “Held” by Abby Wedgeworth has been such a saving grace in helping with the grieve. Praying for you and Brian ❤️

  121. Kelly H. says:

    Thank you for sharing and know that you are not alone. We suffered through infertility twice, but were lucky to be blessed with two beautiful boys. Praying for you and Brian!

  122. Liz says:

    Fertility issues are so incredibly difficult, and my heart is with you! When I met you at the TIU Tour in Brooklyn several years ago, I had recently had a miscarriage, and was jealous that you were pregnant. It ended up being only a few months later that we got fertility help (my hormones were out of whack, and we were lucky that ours was an easy fix), and I got pregnant with our twins. I still feel so lucky for them everyday (and I just finished cleaning up vomit from a car seat). The ups and downs of fertility issues are exhausting and so overwhelming. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing what you’re going through! I’m thinking of you and sending you love and positivity!

  123. Katie says:

    Thank you for opening up about such a heartbreaking topic. I have been through two heart wrenching miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy as well. Would love to listen to your podcast. You’re not alone. ♥️♥️

  124. Talia says:

    It will happen when you least expect it.
    You are such a positive and hopeful woman. Keep being strong like you are.
    You are such an inspiration!!!

  125. Gillian says:

    First off I just want to say how sorry I am for everything that you are feeling and going through. After reading this blog it brought back all the feelings that I had in last 2 years. My husband and I had been trying for 2 years to have a baby and I had 3 miscarriages, 1 was a chemical pregnancy. I was in my darkest place and never thought I would become a mother. We decided to move forward with IVF even though everything looked good for both of us. I did my 1st round of IVF last May, which is whole another journey! After everything we went through this round didn’t work. I was told that my eggs were doing a very rare thing. My doctor told us we should try one more time. I just wanted to be pregnant so I waited a month and got right back to it. I still have flashbacks when my doctor called me to tell me that our 2and round didn’t work… my eggs were doing the same thing. She told me that we should look at other options like adoption or egg donor. Fast forward we decided to do egg donor and I am currently 17 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I never thought I would be saying that. My heart breaks for you, but by sharing your story and what you are going through you are helping some many women that are struggling with infertility. I am very open about my journey and hope that one day infertility will be talked about more. Please hold on to hope and faith! I never thought that I would be where I am today!
    Xoxo

  126. Laura says:

    Your strength and courage is an inspiration. Keep choosing hope!

  127. Jenna says:

    Katrina you are such a strong woman and an inspiration for sharing this. You’ll find comfort in so many people’s stories as well as provide them comfort as well. I had a chemical pregnancy myself and was super embarrassed for months for the grief I carried. When you want something so badly and especially if you’re a ‘planner’ by nature, this journey can be both mentally and physically tough. I didn’t tell my girlfriends until 6 months after the loss and it was the first time I actually felt better. I thought about seeking professional help in that time but to the other woman’s comment, stayed silent thinking about how much worse it can be. Super excited for your IVF journey! We tried two IUI’s before IVF and are now 9 weeks away from meeting our miracle baby! It can be a wild journey but I truly believe in the process. I do have a much different outlook on life because of IVF spanning from limiting toxic products in our house to cleaning up my eating habits pre-retrieval and pre-transfer. As long as it isn’t added stress, I’d personally recommend it to anyone embarking on the journey (but I am no doctor!). Alisa Vitti is a great author/spokesperson for women’s health and also a great podcaster to listen consider! “It Starts with the Egg” is also a great book. Best of luck to you and your family! Your optimism and strength will shine through and pull you through the days ahead! (Apologies if this feels like unsolicited advice. Just wanted to share what I know :))

  128. Treasure says:

    Sending love and hugs your way! 🤍
    •Treasure

  129. Caydeen says:

    Thank you for sharing. It gives me hope . I to have lost 5 pregnancies, three of which were chemical. It’s so so so hard. So many places, months, dates, location and people become triggers when you have multiply miscarriages 🙁 I hold on to hope for the future and share this hope with you.

  130. Kari says:

    Thank you for being willing to share your journey. I too have suffered from multiple miscarriages. it’s so hard to talk about but it helps hearing from other women who’ve gone thru it too. I’m so glad to say that after nearly 4 years of trying we had our rainbow baby, Olive, and she was well worth the wait! ♥️ Sending you so much love! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  131. Laura says:

    Hi Katrina, thank you for so openly sharing your journey with us. I am definitely in the same boat, however I’ve been in this journey much longer- I officially started seeking medical help last year and found out I had some gut and health issues that I needed my Body to rid of before officially focusing on getting pregnant. Well, it is now a year later and we are still in the same boat. My health is definitely better and improved, but I still get my damn period every month. I cry, I get frustrated, I think about it alllll the damn time even though the advice is to relax and not focus on it, but I just can’t, it’s something that I want so deeply and every month I am saddened all over again. I have not sought out the IVF route because I really wanted to have a “natural” pregnancy and I was allowing God and nature to work their magic and let me know when I’m ready, when my body is ready – and that has just not happened. I have so much more to stay, but just know that there are so many of us going through the same thing and we are not alone. Hugs and kisses!😘

  132. Nicole says:

    Thinking of you guys ❤️ My husband and I have had a long and hard IVF journey ending in two ectopic pregnancies—one that forced me to remove a tube, the second that required chemotherapy to terminate. I’m currently in a “forced menopause” treatment before our next transfer attempt in July, just putting one foot in front of the other as best I can. It is amazing what we can overcome, we are warriors!

  133. Ronni says:

    Had my first miscarriage after two beautiful girls in January. It’s rough, the feelings are real raw. Not matter how many children you have it’s still difficult. Thank you for you for sharing your journey, it’s definitely helping me as I navigate a new normal. Sending you love and strength xxx

  134. Nicola says:

    I can feel your pain and hurt and send love to you and Brian.
    In 2019 I had 4 x losses (2 of which were chemical). I am in the UK and here they make you wait for 3 consecutive losses before they do any tests.
    We had some tests (some we paid for) but whilst waiting for the results Covid hit and delayed everything.
    We lost another 6 months of our journey as I was too scared to try again until all results were back and I could meet with doctor.
    I am now in my 30th week of pregnancy.. 🤍. I needed a hormone (progesterone) to help the embryo ‘stick’.
    It is such a painful journey and each day I am still anxious and pinch myself.

    I hope that your journey will get brighter and your longed for little one will join you…watched over by your two twinkling stars. Sending love and strength xx

  135. Susanne says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I recognize the getting emotional about nothing and everything. One thing going wrong can change my mood completely for a while.

    We have had an ectopic pregnacy in August and a chemical one in November. Sometimes near my period I want to do a test, but then right at that moment my period starts.

    Our day will come!

  136. Lindsay says:

    Your story of loss helped me through my own miscarriage. I cannot fathom doing it two more times. You are so freaking strong. Thank you for giving me strength and hope when I felt lost. Hoping and praying for rainbows for us both.

  137. Elizabeth says:

    Following your fertility journey has given me so much strength and helped me not feel like I was the only one in my journey. Our journeys are SO similar. We have a daughter Bella’s age (but had one loss prior) and experienced two losses in 2020. Dec of 2020, we went to our IVF consultation and we’re also advised to “give it one more try”.
    I think struggling with fertility after having a beautiful, healthy daughter makes the experience even more baffling. How can our bodies be capable of making such perfect miracles, then seemingly let us down repeatedly afterwards. Maybe our girls truly are the miracles and reminders we needed to remember that our bodies are strong and capable amidst so much heartache and confusion.

    Fast forward to now.. we are, by the grace of God, pregnant with fraternal twins- a boy and girl. It has been the scariest few weeks of my life. With lots of unexplainable bleeding. It is so hard to trust my body to keep my babies safe when I’ve felt such immense loss. But, I look to my daughter for strength and a reminder that it IS possible.

    I hope your next miracle comes just as soon!

  138. Lolo says:

    i can relate so much. i have a daughter about the same age as you (2 1/2years old). and for me it was in 2019. 2 miscariages and one chemical. and i hope this will give you a little glimpse od hope, because i got pregnant again. *just a little note that this time around, i asked my gynecologist to have progesterone tablets-he also said it helps a lot* and I got her 3 months ago❤️

  139. Ginny says:

    I had my daughter, Briar Rose, with no problem. When we tried for our second we couldn’t get pregnant. Long story short when I finally did I had a missed miscarriage meaning the baby was not growing but my body never bled or passed it. I carried into my second semester. I had to take medicine to pass it and even after all that pain it didn’t work. It was hard.
    What I learned from it and I hope you can share is miscarriage seems to be brushed off because it is so common. When we do get pregnant we are taught to not say anything “just in case”. Just in case what? We loose it? I am so glad I told the people I did. I needed them because they felt with me. They were excited with me knowing we have been trying so long and they were sad with me when I needed support. It’s something women shouldn’t have to keep to themselves and it shouldn’t be that way.
    Another thing I heard a lot when I miscarried was, “well at least you have Briar.” One doesn’t replace the other. I still needed to grieve. I don’t judge anyone for saying that because I think they meant well.
    Thank you for talking about it. We need to talk more and share more. Same goes with postpartum. If you have never heard of the “Emily Effect” it is an amazing support group for Moms.
    PS I have been a member of TIU since about 2013. I love to see how much it has grown and how you keep finding new ways to be a light to women.

  140. Francesca Howard says:

    I just messaged you the other day when you released the news and I said “you can do hard things…. you taught me that” catching up now on this blog post and I know your head and heart are in the same place 💛….I am sending you so many prayers that this is the path to expanding your family. Here for you mama always! So proud of you. And thank you for sharing I know it can’t be easy. Love you 😘

  141. Alexa says:

    Reading this brings back all the memories, heartache and grief of our 5 miscarriages. We’ve been blessed with two precious daughters since that string of miscarriages over 3 years ago, but the grief is still there. It gets easier, but it’s such a difficult season to walk through (difficult isn’t even a strong enough word to describe it)! My heart is with you, Katrina and Brian, and I pray you’ll get your precious rainbow baby! Sending so much love!

  142. Becky says:

    Sharing your journey has been so helpful for me. We both had our first born around the same time, and we both experienced our first losses March of 2020. It’s hard to look back, seeing all the pain from the year before. But it also gives us strength that maybe we didn’t ask for, but we have it and it will take us good places. After my first loss,I’ve had a chemical pregnancy June 2020, Oct 2020, Jan 2021, and Feb 2021. I’ll be praying and thinking for you, for me, and for all those others out there waiting for their babes.

  143. Nikki says:

    I just learned today I had my first pregnancy that resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I didn’t realize how much of a heartbreak it could be and also, I didn’t know what a chemical pregnancy was until you posted this. Thank you for being vulnerable to share your journey, it educated me on something that would soon occur to me and gave me some sort of an early heads up for a “what if” scenario. I’ll be praying for you and your family. Please say one for me too <3

  144. Paul says:

    When someone writes an paragraph he/she
    keeps the idea of a user in his/her brain that how a user can be aware
    of it. Thus that’s why this post is outstdanding. Thanks!

  145. Kierstin Hancock says:

    Your honesty is warming; I, too, experienced a miscarriage and ruptured ectopic in 2020. The pain and feelings I have felt were often isolating. Your story helps myself and other women remember we are not alone; we are here and we are seen. Love and hugs to you.

  146. Katie says:

    Fertility journeys are just that…a journey with highs and lows. Thank you so much for sharing about your journey. My husband and I experienced secondary infertility and used the Creighton Model Fertility Care System to help learn more about my cycle and what the cause of my infertility was. It was so informative and we learned so much, but still weren’t achieving a pregnancy. Finally, I said I needed a break from trying, and counting days, and check for fertile mucus, and supplementing progesterone. After three years we finally achieved a pregnancy. I’m so thankful for our learning because I was able to supplement progesterone right away and hold on to the pregnancy, but I also realized that the stress of trying to get pregnant was so overwhelming…and I hardly felt stressed until I stopped. Anyway, my prayers go out to all the women who are on the fertility journey because it can be so so so tough. ❤️

  147. Juliana says:

    Hi Katrina!

    This journal resonated with me. I cannot imagine how hard it was to share this personal experience you and your husband have been going through. I can relate in the constant trying and waiting. The emotions are truly a ride. I am with you there 100%. My husband and I have been trying for almost 3 years. We unfortunately haven’t been pregnant once. Finally, we are trying to explore some other options. Last March when I was sad on many levels I stumbled upon TIU. I felt as though if I can gain control of my health in mind,body, and spirit-maybe that can help with my own healing process. The community that TIU is- means a lot. Beautiful minds and people who have so much to teach and offer in support. I don’t personally know anyone, but I sure feel like I do. As I would any friend. You’re experience of infertility hurts my heart and I am also choosing hope for you!

  148. Emily says:

    No words can describe the pain of this type of loss, but your words spoke to me. It’s a lonely ache that can’t be explained, and isn’t talked about enough. Thank you for talking about your losses and being open. I can imagine that every response is another reminder. But I hope it’s also a reminder that you are not alone. None of us are alone in this big world. When grief takes over and I can’t help but be sad for myself or the baby I didn’t get to hold, I cry for me and everyone else in the world suffering this loss, or any other painful loss. I am working to absorb my experience into my being and let God (or the universe) teach me to be understanding, open, empathetic, and sensitive. It feels like nothing good can be made from such pain, but this small connection is something good. We are stronger together. Sending you love and hugs.

  149. Melissa Meli Smith says:

    Hi Katrina,

    I help women with fertility. I am a therapist/yogini. I help women go back through their subconscious mind with yoga, breathwork and then once your min and body are relaxed we retrieve vital information. I would love to gift this to you, because you and your story are all to common. Your bodies intelligence is supreme. You have had one beautiful miraculous baby girl. You can do it again.

    My number is 619-610-8206

  150. Jackie says:

    Hi Katrina,

    I am so sorry for your losses. I have a daughter a few months younger than your beautiful Isabelle, and I too suffered two miscarriages in 2020. Back to back. I pray for you to get your rainbow baby that you so deserve. You are not alone and I thank you for being open with this part of your life because you touched mine and I know you did with so many others as well. Love, a fellow beach girl

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